Being a husband is not just about going to work and bring money to your home for your wife and children (if any).
But also to be the head of family (Kepala Keluarga). Meaning, as the leader of the family. You know, being leader is know the way, show the way, but also goes the way. So as the head, we should have stated our goal and direction. Many times, just a small steps into the right direction means more than big step but direct to wrong/bad goal.
From men-women literature, men tends to be more logic (rational) and consistent in his behavior. That’s why men being the family head. But not lower the role of women in family, we need kindness and other positive emotions from women. Which is, women are the more expressive one than men.
In financial dimension, men are the salesman. The one who search and find more money, revenue, or even profit. At the same time, men needs to understand a bit about the bookeeping and budgeting. For last two topics, I thought women are more appropriate in the administrative role. So, men as the salesman and women as the accountant.
Last discussion with my wife, we conclude the significant role of liabilities in form of payable (hutang) and receiveable (piutang). In either side you may lies at the particular time, both of them representing the unstability of cashflow and revenue/spending. This needs to be managed and controlled. The one we often missing in financial management for family is: do spending with current money while thinking that we must receive the exact amount of money from our receiveables. In reality, it is not happen as our wants right? The money we need may not come at the expected time and amount.
So, there are three (3) roles of a husband, at least: (1) head of family (2) salesman (3) father (if has any children).
Roles of Father
According to ustadz Bendri, there are several hats should be father’s hat each time he face his children:
- Father must engage and make bonding with children’s heart
- Always provide time (quantitatively and qualitatively) for children. Every morning before go to work or every night before sleep for daily engagement and for certain occasions, such as week end, or something that last once in a month, or others.
- Father has to execute his role as “charger” for his children. Like a low-battery smartphone need to be charged, then a child also need to be charged or enlightened by his/her father.
- Father needs to be an entertainer for his children. Make them laugh.
- Father not only push children to learn, study, or work hard. But also to play (harder) together. By the end of life, I guess children will remember more about happy things such as playing together rather than things as studying with father as teacher.
- Father must tell stories to children. Stories means there is a premis that consist of three things: character, goal, and obstacle. These three (3) things will generate the plot (flow of the story).
- Father must seems as a knowledgeable person. Not only to answer his/her child question, but also to deep dive and explore the curiosity of the respective child.
- Every child activities/project/initiative must need a “booster” in form of donation. It must not a money, but as important as time, support, spirit, etc. So, father comes as first donatur for every child needs.
- Father must “promote” each child of his own. Because there lies the strength and weakness of each child. And our assignment is to promote the strength of our children.
I conclude three (3) important things from every life of being a husband. They are:
- Husband as “Salesman” of the family. To get adequate resources in fulfiling the needs of passanger.
- Husband as head of the family. Husband set the direction where the family want to fo. What their’s core values to be followed and implemented.
- Husband becomes father when having child to be raised. Not only take the happiness from “making a family” activities, but also to provide responsibility in handling the further consequence of that “making a family” things.